I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
