Where are you?
In a non slutty way
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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