Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
