so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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