You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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