yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
