I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
