an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
