TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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