So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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