WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
