Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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