I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
