Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
