Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
