i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
