I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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