so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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