I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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