My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
