Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
