First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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