I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
