that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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