I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
