Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
