I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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