bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your penis caused this!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
