I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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