Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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