I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
