We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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