its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
