Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I died a long time ago.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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