then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
