Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
