just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
