I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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