i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
