if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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