I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
