while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Terrible idea I love it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
