I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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