we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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