at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
