he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize