Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
