amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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