dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
