Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
