so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
