Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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