Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there was a trapeze. enough said
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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