We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
