At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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