If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
