You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
