the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
