Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
