If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
