lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
