the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
