Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
