Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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