Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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