oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
