I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
