Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is the high leading the old right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
