Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
