Are we in a gay sports bar?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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