so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We need to get me chipped asap
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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