Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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