I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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