had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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